Vol.1 no1

3pm, 30 April 2026

Dear Z

Peri-menopause they say it is. The brainfog, the not feeling oneself, the difficulty sleeping, the mood drops. Do you think its that, or do you think just a cover for life is really sucky most of the time? I am not a ray of sunshine this week, so forgive me in advance. My friend A is Africa is in pieces – she lost her job due to the funding cuts of Trump on aid to Africa long ago, and have not recovered. At a point of having to sell her house and nowhere to turn. I offered what I could, but I don’t think it will change the course of things. She blames menopause for her severe fog and lack of ability to cope and focus. She is talking about wondering what is the meaning of life – just to be there to hug each other in crap moments? I don’t want to agree with her up front, as I don’t want to signal, its ok to exit on your own terms quietly, as people in wobbly moments should be stabilised first and back to normal. But I agree with her. Its a view I have long held, that we have autonomy and the right to decide if our life should continue. In the news was this mom who travelled to Switzerland to end her life after falling into dispair and darkness afer her adult son died years ago. It gave me a little shake-up. I am not enjoying life at all at the moment. Maybe its just the last residual flu in my bones and all will be better after rest and recouperation. But I’m low and unhappy.

How has your last chemo session gone? It was on 21/4, but I never checked in with you. Sorry I’m so self absorbed today. I hope I can clear this funk out of my mental space soon. Im posting a pic of myself of a sunnier day, to help me feel better and remember a good sunny moment.