Dear Z

Life is not feeling great so much of the time. I am disillusioned and upset that joy is so hard to come by. Urghhh. Just urghhhh. Where do we begin? When you told me last week you got a prescription for a wig, I just wanted to cry. ‘Good’ I replied (I think). Behind my sturdy answer my heart was saying ‘oh sweetie, come here and let me hold you’. How did you go from fainting in the mammogram to a few stage 1 cells to a wig prescription? That about sums up life. Cannot make up this shit. Life is not feeling great, so much of the time – coming from someone of my priviledge, feels wrong. I cling to Brene’s saying (paraphrasing from memory) – compassion is not an 8-slice pizza like a liferaft. Even if priviledged, my suffering is real and matters too. This whole concept is doing my head in though. Remind me to tell you how life flipped me on my back to go from dishing out ‘help’ to asking for it from persons that I used to be. Humbling. And then there are the ongoing wars in Ukraine and Iran. Iran. Ukraine. It grabs my guts and twist it wildly, my physical heart contracting, chest tightening. We can talk about that too on here. Do you remember in Seoul in 2010 (I think) when the North Koreans sank the South Korean Submarine, we were all panicky with go bags as Inshils mom said her husband working at a top national newspaper had military intel that its warranted. We need to talk about Korea too.